Thursday, January 12, 2006

Why?!

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Everybody's Free

I stumbled upon these lyrics from our Class of '99 song last night in my own music notebook. I enjoyed reading them again, so I thought I'd post, as it contains some good advice.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Yesterday I...

did a slight jig when I re-read that they finally decided on a date for the final season of Dawson's Creek to be released.
ate a half a bag of Hershey's almond kisses...by myself.
saw the blasted turkeys on the other side of the road at a Real Estate office and secretly hoped they would move in there.
smiled when I looked at my calendar and saw that I only had 25 days until my favorite holiday of the year.
accidentally snorted while laughing during a work meeting.
hung up the phone on a guy when he answered and I realized I'd dialed the wrong number.
felt embarrassed when the same guy called me back to see why I'd hung up (blasted caller ID).
forgot a line in a song I sang at church.
decided Mike and I should join a fitness center and start working out together.
called Simon a punk when he bit me while we were playing with his toys.
was relieved when I remembered that today would be my "Friday."

If it isn't snow, it's a fire...

Last year my birthday celebration was nearly cancelled thanks to the downpour of snow that decided to hit on the day of my get together. This year, just as I make the decision to have a cookout at my house to celebrate my birthday, I get word that thanks to all the fires in Oklahoma and the lack of rain, they have increased the burn ban to include outdoor grilling. Hmph.

I'm nearly convinced that I should pick a new favorite holiday so that my birthday won't be so disappointing.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Fingernail Fun

I saw this image online and thought it was hilarious. Next time I go get my nails done, I'll be sure to take this photo so I can have a similar masterpiece created on mine. Fantabulous!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Happy New Year!

Alas, my vacation days are over...time to get back in the swing of things: routine, schedules, deadlines. I can't say as I did anything significant over my much anticipated holiday vacation in December, but the time off was much needed. The rest was welcomed even though my house suffered from my time off. To be honest, as hard as it was for me to get out of bed this morning, I am glad to get back to all things normal again.

I will post a couple of pictures from the holidays soon...have to get them off the camera and onto the computer first.

Hope you had a Happy New Year!